Consul General of India - Toronto
It's been ages sinced I posted anything; been too busy with work and other things to bother, but something happened yesterday that I just have to bitch about...I mean...discuss.

I'm heading to India in December for a vacation - first time in 11 years - and I had to get an Indian visa (me no longer being in Indian national). So I googled "Indian consulate Toronto", found the site for the local office of the CGI, and found crystal-clear instructions. These instructions said, effectively: fill out the form, get a couple of passport-like photos, bring $62 in cash, money order or a certified cheque, come to the office between 9:30 and 11:00, drop off your application and passport, and come back at 3:00 to pick up the completed passport with the visa inside. Couldn't be easier, right?

So I get to the CGI office at 9:35 yesterday, application and cash in hand, and find a scene of absolute chaos. There's a lineup of about a dozen people waiting at the information desk, said desk being surrounded by another dozen people all shouting at the poor guy behind the desk. I figure, whatever, I'll just go to the little take-a-number dispenser and figure it out later. No numbers left....hmmmm. Then it starts to dawn on me what the people at the desk are saying: "what do you mean, if I don't have a number, I'm out of luck?! There are no numbers left!!" To which the guy behind the desk would reply (roughly translated) "if you don't have a number, come back tomorrow at 6:00 AM and get one. We only give out 350 a day."

At this point, I turn my head to the right and see a giant room with about 250 people sitting calmly (for Indians, that is) in chairs, all staring at half a dozen booths at the front of the room as if the booths lead to nirvana and only they hold the secret key to get in. I wanted to smack their smug little faces.

As I'm standing in line, another option wafts through the air: I can leave my application with them and come back in a week to pick it up. Hallelujah! I get to the information desk and tell the guy I want to leave my application for them to process, here's the form, my passport, and my money. "No cash", he says, "money order or certified cheque only". I stare at him blankly, and mumble "but, the web site said...". "Cash only if you have a number", he barks at me. "If you don't have a number, come back tomorrow at 6 AM. Or if you want to leave it here, you need a money order or certified cheque, but it'll take a week to get the visa."

I did a mental walkthrough of the web site, and nope, nowhere could I recall any mention of this distinction. Knowing better than to argue with Indian bureaucracy, though (which couldn't be said for half a dozen people standing there yelling at the poor guy; for all I know, they're still there now, yelling), I turn around, head downstairs and to the Scotia Bank next door and join the lineup of brown people holding visa applications. All I could do was chuckle as I got in line.

So I get my money order, head back upstairs, and instead of being free and clear, the lineup for the information desk is now out the door - about 30 people. I start asking people if they know the procedure, to which the response is invariably "yes, I checked out the web site". I figure I could be a mean bastard and let these poor people stand in line, only to be told to come back the next day, but I decided I'd be a nice guy and start spreading the word.

So, like the great Buddha himself, I start to preach The Way. "No," I say "you won't be getting your visa today. This is not The Way it works. You have been misled by the rakshasa web. You must go and return in the morning, before the crowds. Else, you must get a Money Order from the holy bank next door." They just looked at me like I'd lost it. One (a white woman) even asked if I had an Indian passport or a Canadian passport, as if having a Canadian passport was somehow a ticket to jump the line. It was my turn to look at her like she was nuts; if I had an Indian passport, why would I need a visa in the first place?

To make a long story short (if it's not too late for that), there were an awful lot of very angry people there that morning. All of them misled by poor, incomplete instructions on the CGI Toronto web site. The poor guy behind the desk was getting frazzled, frustrated, and I wouldn't be surprised if someone spit on him before the day was out, and none of it was his fault.

So if you need to go to the CGI office in Toronto to get a visa, DON'T FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE WEB SITE. Either show up at 6:30 in the morning if you absolutely need your visa in less than a week, or if you can wait a week (which I'd highly recommend for your own sanity), bring a money order or certified cheque and drop off your application. Oh, and be sure your schedule exactly a week later is clear, because if you don't show up at 3:00 one week after you drop off the application, god help you.
- posted by Kamalistan @ 11:05 AM

 
Ah, Rick Mercer...
Is there any wonder this guy is the king of Canadian political satire? This from his blog as a mock holiday newsletter from Paul Martin:

Of course I have to mention Belinda. If it wasn't for her this government would have died months ago and me along with it. Some people in the press have referred to her as my guardian angel, I prefer to think of her as my political defibrillator. Even to this day when I see her coming I want to tear open my shirt, put Vaseline on my nipples and yell CLEAR!

Thanks, Rick, for making my morning.
- posted by Kamalistan @ 11:02 AM